When I was just a young lad growing up in the Miami Valley of Ohio, we were rather poor. Not as poor as some, but poorer than most. Unfortunatley, we were reminded of it often by our peers, and by an alcoholic mother, who also suffered from co-dependency, meaning of course that we all suffered from co-dependency, by default, see? Anyways, whenever we would start moping around and feeling sorry for ourselves, Mother would tell us, "You had just better count your blessings" followed by some example of either how much worse off she had it, or how much worse our situation could be. Needless to say, I really resented her for that. How dare she preach to me about blessings when the water/electricity/gas or whetever, was being turned off, or when I would have to run interference with the landlord when they came looking for the rent that they knew wasnt coming, or go to the neighbors to ask for ciggarettes, a ride, or worse yet, money! Oh, the embarrassment, the humiliation of it. It was sometimes too much for a kid of 8, 10, or whatever age I happened to be at the time, to bear. I probably dont have to tell you that as soon as I was old enough to run, I did. from the age of about 13 on, I was more or less on my own. Oh sure, I lived at home sometimes, but mostly you could find me at relatives homes or crashing at friends houses. I was the epitomy of a rolling stone. Well, as you can tell from reading this, I must've survived. And at this point in time, I have a whole lot to be thankful for.

I hate working 58 hrs a week, but I've had the same job for 9 years, that has allowed me to travel to 5 countries on 3 continents. January Im going to Turkey! Istanbul was Constantinople, now its Istanbul, not Constantinople, why they changed it I cant say, people just like it better that way!

Im so far in debt I cant afford to pay attention, but I have credit/money enough to buy glasses/shoes/food for my kids when they need them, and sometimes when they dont.

Im 40 pounds overweight, but when I go to the store, I buy my food with cash or check, not food stamps.

Im taking meds like chicklets, but at least its temporary, and I'm alot better off than I mightve been.

I dont sing in a band anymore, but I sound incredible in my car on the way to work at 5 am, singing along to Audioslave

Ive lost touch with most of my old friends, but Ive made alot of new ones, and one of them is my Mother.

Im a drunk, but I havent found a good enough reason to have a drink in nearly 5 years.

I've nearly ruined my lungs with cigarettes, but I havent found a good enough reason to have a smoke in over 2 years.

I have to at least act like Im a respectable citizen,*cough cough* but Ive got the two most gorgeous kids in the world, that love me and dont want for anything. Not that they couldnt do with a little lesson in economics, lol.

I just spent 9 grand on windows and doors for the house, but I dont have to move 3 times a year due to angry landlords, Im a homeowner.

Im 35 Years old!My hair is very quickly turning grey! But I have a wonderful life and a wonderful wife to show for it!

Living life a little rougher when I was young has made me a surviver. It takes quite a bit to rattle my cage. Ill eat your lunch if you insist on being in the way of what I need. I can be a bad M*** Fu**** when the need arises, lol

 Way back in early 1994, my wife and I were struggling to get by. With me laid off, or working low paying labor jobs, and drinking continuesly, her trying to go to college, and keep a halfway decent job, and raising our daughter, who was less than a year old at the time. Times were tough. One night, while driving home from lord knows where, our crappy Dodge van blew a tire, and I hadnt gotten the spare replaced from the last blow out. These things happen when you have to decide between a decent tire and a six pack, or a bad tire and a case. I always chose the case. Anyways, there we were, literally, in the middle of no where, no cell phone, no money to speak of,middle of the night,with our daughter, my wife was on the verge of tears, and a divorce. The only thing I could think to say to her was, that maybe we should "count our blessings," and I proceeded to do so for the both of us. For the life of me, I cant remember what I said to my wife that night, but whatever it was, it was the truth, and it was enough. She has told me on several occasions that what i said to her that night saved our marriage. Thanks Mom.

Most of the people who know me, know that iam an Atheist. Recently I have begun to question why I celebrate the holidays.
I remember when I was younger, we would all go to my Aunts house and have a family get together and load up on food and presents.My uncle would play the piano/organ, and we might sing a ditty or two. One of my earliest memories is of watching my Aunts and my Grandma make Divinity. Anyone who doesnt know what divinity is, its a type of fudge, for lack of a better word, but its very light, very rich, and not very easy to make. I wont get into the process, but trust me, it appeared to me that rocket science was, indeed, involved.
After the death of my grandpa in 1977, this tradition wained, up until the last large scale christmas with the entire family sometime in the late 80's.
It makes me sad that the only thing that has gotten all of us together in the same place since then has been funerals. my grandmothers in 2000, and my Aunt Pauline earlier this year. (Which has been so hard for me, My Aunt Pauline was a saint.) Both times, we have said the same things to each other, "We need to stay close, no more funeral reunions." it hasnt turned out this way.( Actually, we do have reunions once a year, but only half the family attends.) Now, let me just say that it has indeed gotten better, but we are by no stretch of the imagination, as close as I'd like for us to be. Is it just that we are all just caught up in our individual lives, so much that we cant pick up the phone once a week and connect for at least a few minutes? Or are we afraid that once we start reaching out, no one will reach back, you know, like rejection. I think its a little bit of both, I can only speak for myself, and its not always easy to be honest, but I think the reason is because family is just so much maintenance. Caring is just so much work, and dont family usually screw you over anyways? blah blah blah.....I have a cousin who Ive always looked up to, who's Mom and Dad always tried to help me out. ( I was a troubled youth....yea right.) I wont get into the entire spiel now, but lets just say that we've struggled to be close. They are so uptight and religious, not that there is anything wrong with that, we just cant relate to each other, and its sad, it really is. This cousin, Brenda, has worked very hard to put together a family tree along with history, and I so wish that I could be more involved. Oh well. Im poutin like a little kid here! And Im rambling. Im gonna have to come up with some way of celebrating the holiday season without the religious aspect, and still feel the spirit. And bring my family closer, guess it starts with me doesnt it? any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. but I might blow you shit over it if you get too preachy, lol
This is one of my more confusing posts. Get used to it.
Heres Grandma and Aunt Pauline, I miss em soooo much.